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I’m at a swanky restaurant that has featured on TV and has a weird name, like 16 or 14 or something. I’m actually wearing a jacket, cause I was asked to very politely by the people organizing the function. It’s a weeknight and there’s a huge table with about 25 people on it, set in […]
Read MoreWe’ve got guests coming in 15 minutes and we’re short of a stack of essential items including milk, bread, fruit and most importantly, booze. My mind panics at the mere thought of an afternoon where I’ve got to be half responsible for a teeming mass of screaming kids, setting fire to the garden, pulling each […]
Read MoreI’m on my couch, with my back against the window, sun streaming in. I can see over the park to my left. I’m looking out the window, frankly, in total disbelief at what I’m hearing. My mind starts to wander. So here it goes. What my fat, squishy middle-aged arse is sitting on, is presently […]
Read MoreI’m twenty-five. It’s early mid-morning. I’m wearing a tweed jacket, grey flannel trousers, brogues. It’s the mid eighties, after all. I arrive on time. I’ve even combed my hair, God rest its soul. I sit there patiently. I read through a Women’s Weekly. A No Idea. A BRW. I can remember Alan Bond’s face was […]
Read MoreIt’s 7.50 am, I’m watching the box for the weather, the ads come on. A cute looking guy (editor has deleted his name, as we might get sued) with blue eyes, thick black hair and a square jaw (I think he had a cooking show once) is walking through a farmers market. He says this […]
Read MoreI’m down at the beach house. It’s Sunday morning, about 7am. There’s a Sou’Easter blowing about 20 knots, whipping up a choppy surf. I can’t go for a paddle, I can’t fish. I’m stuck with the prospect of having to wake up the kids for my own amusement. I turn on the ABC radio 774. […]
Read MoreThe publishers of this magazine do not share, nor take any responsibility for the expressed or implied opinions of the writer. The publishers seek to portray fair, open and mature discussion of marketing and related subjects and seek to distance themselves from the potentially juvenile or destructive attitudes, opinions and purported facts expressed by the […]
Read MoreI’m sitting here, 6 am. On the kitchen table. It’s raining. Well, it is Melbourne. In my Adidas Runners, Bonds Boxers, Hanes T-Shirt, Yarra Trail Pants, Louitt Bay Windcheater, wearing a Swatch watch that’s been the best lucky watch I’ve ever owned. I’m working on a G4 Mac Laptop, carried around in a beaten-up Targus […]
Read MoreTo B or not 2 B. That is the question. Whether it is nobler to suffer the pain of outrageous slings and arrows… Doesn’t even sound like the Baird, (No classical education in my shabby past.) but here I am. Naked. Pot belly. Bald. Double chin. Charming as a blow-fly. All person. Too real. Too […]
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